God wired us for intimacy
God did not intend for man to be alone, God wired us for intimacy.
Humans have an insatiable need to be connected in multiple ways with others.
Man is created in the image of God: Love, Mercy and Sacrifice (1 John 4:8, Ephesians 2:4-5, Romans 5:8).
All of these require intimacy, true authentic intimacy.
Father, son (Jesus) and the Holy Spirit: The three persons of the Blessed Trinity are the ultimate example of intimacy. They are bonded as the three persons of God, each separate person gives, or better said, empties themselves to each other to each other to such an extent that they manifest as one God. Gift of self is the ultimate experience of intimacy.
If you haven't realized by now, intimacy is not about sex, or at least mostly not about sex. Various blocks of intimacy can be achieved in any phase of life, even without being married.
There are eight essential building blocks of intimacy.
Physical (non sexual)
I'll discuss each with a little more detail
1. Physical (non-sexual)
This can be a gentle touch, massage, neck or foot rubs, hugging, holding hands, arm on shoulder. Basically a loving presence without sexual advance or innuendo.
Near but not touching. Sitting next to spouse, walking next to them instead of in front or behind
Sharing all feelings, superficial and deep. What we feel about the other person, what is effecting our moods throughout the day or period of time, how we feel right now. Fears, anxieties, compassion, empathy, etc.
What is going on in our heads, what are we thinking about, personally, work, world affairs, etc. Our thoughts of these events, our opinions, and solutions to problems etc. what are we processing in our heads. The “heady” stuff.
Sharing our work, our spouse’s work, professional desires, fears, challenges. Includes parenting, corporate, career, stay at home mom (dad). How we process this part of our lives.
Having fun together, play time.
Sharing faith beliefs and philosophies with spouse, praying or reading scripture together, attending church together, and discussing faith with children. Talking about how God is effecting or involved in your lives.
8. Physical (sex)
Sexual intimacy (in the sanctity of marriage).
Many of the building blocks of intimacy can be achieved in several areas of life outside of marriage.
As you can see, any stage of intimacy requires another person. Again, God did not intend for man (or woman) to be alone.
From a porn or sex addiction standpoint, the bottom line is that we are seeking intimacy. But in the process of life, childhood events, and the world, we have been taught to seek false intimacy.
Authentic love = True intimacy
This can be God, spouse, close friends, brothers (or sisters) in Christ, etc. Essentially anywhere we can be transparent and share our deepest feelings without judgement or ridicule.
Porn = False Intimacy
Really it’s more than just porn. It can be alcohol, drugs, food, even actions that seem positive like overdoing “good works” or even people pleasers can be seeking false intimacy if done for the wrong reasons.
In a nutshell false intimacy seeks to "take" to fulfill the need of acceptance, desire, self-worth etc. It drives us to want "things" things like nice cars, the best and newest electronic devices, best clothes. It also, when our true needs are not met, leads us to be open to the lies that more drastic behaviors will make us happy so we turn to drugs, sex, alcohol, over eating, and other unhealthy or sinful activities. In reality, deep inside, we are seeking false intimacy to escape. We desire to escape ourselves because we are not happy, or for one reason or another we do not love ourselves.
This exercise of seeking false intimacy always leads to emptiness, decreasing self-worth and frequently addictive behaviors.
If we stop listening to the lies that drive us to false intimacy, we see that we are truly called to be intimate with God and his creation in true authentic intimacy. Using the building blocks discussed above, we can begin to fulfill our true needs by sharing these parts of our lives with others.
When we do this we begin to connect and have compassion, empathy and even mercy for others. And we receive it too!
SUPPORTRoad to Purity